I think I am ready to share with the world now! On May 29, I typed this blog but did not publish it. Today…I’m sharing with you what happened to our sweet baby.
May 29, 2013—I was hoping today would be the day that happily announce our 4th pregnancy to all our friends and family. However, the news is rather shocking. Miscarriages are far more frequent than we realize; however, we hide it from everyone.
On April 19, I took a wonderful pregnancy test. It was a faint positive about 10 minutes later. So, I was not 100% sure, so I took another one two days later. Of course, it was positive. I was sure I was pregnant because I already had the wonderful heartburn I always get. I called the OB to make an appointment. Since I was still breastfeeding, they wanted to do an early ultrasound to check the accuracy of the due date.
On May 15, I had my first ultrasound. I measured about 6.5-7 weeks pregnant. I thought I was 7.5 weeks, so it went well.
During the ultrasound, the doctor found a second sac. She was not sure if it was a gestational sac with a second baby or a uterine blood clot. Being as early as she thought I was, she wanted to do an ultrasound two weeks later to see if a second baby developed. For the next two weeks, I was unsure if I was having one baby or two. However, we were excited to see the precious heartbeat of at least one baby.
Today, I had my second ultrasound. I was nervous. I am not sure why. For the past three days, I felt uneasy, as if something was wrong. As soon as the tech showed me my sweet baby on the screen, I knew something was wrong. I am not a tech, but I knew I should see the heartbeating. I didn’t. Then she said it. “I’m sorry sweetie but there is no cardio activity in this baby.” She continued on to measure the baby and the gestational sac. The sac measured to show I was about 9.5 weeks pregnant like I originally suspected. However, the baby stopped growing at 7.5 weeks. I felt like my heart just stopped for a second. I did not process what happened.
What about the second sac? The ultrasound tech clearly saw the second sac and it had grown larger than the baby’s gestational sac. It was taking up about 50% of my uterus. It was then obvious it was a blood clot, also known as Subchorionic Hemorrahage.
How does a blood clot form in the uterus? The doctor gave me a couple of explanations and most of my research online confirmed what she told me. During implantation when the one tried to implant, it attached to the uterine wall but caused a tear in it. This caused a bleed to occur and it continued to grow.
What happens with a blood clot in the uterus? Several things can happen. 1) It can slowly come out and cause some slight bleeding during the pregnancy. This does not cause a threat to the baby. 2) The body simply absorbs the clot and the pregnancy continues as normal. Or 3) The bleed continues and the blood clot grows bigger. If it becomes bigger than the gestational sac that the baby is in, it causes problems. In my case, the blood clot pushed the gestational sac and caused it to detach from my uterine wall. This caused my sweeet baby to quit developing.
Can anything be done to cause this? From what I read and the doctor told me., no. I was breastfeeding when I conceived; however, it played no role in the miscarriage. Some patients are put on bed rest if a blood clot is discovered in early pregnancies to help give the body time to heal and hopefully allow the clot to shrink. Unfortunately, many women are not aware they have a clot.
What now? I am waiting for my sweet baby to miscarry naturally. I opted against a D&C or any medications to cause the miscarriage. I feel God will let nature take its course. For now, I continue to have pregnancy symptoms because my body still thinks there is a baby growing. While there is a baby still in there, she has no heartbeat.
For those going through this, please know it is not your fault. I know it feels that way. All I have done all day is wonder what I did or did not do to cause this. But I also know God has a plan. This was a part of it whether it makes sense to me yet or not.
What made it easier—-looking at the three sweet faces that were waiting for me in the car with their amazing daddy who just held me tight while I cried some more.
I am also thankful for an wonderful doctor. What amazed me was that many doctors use any word but “baby;” however, she only refered to this sweet life as my baby. I am thankful for a doctor who realized life began immediately and recognized the pain I was feeling.
***On June, 12, at 11 weeks and 5 days, I naturally miscarried our sweet angel at home. My story will be shared with another website that shares testimonies of those who naturally miscarried (and delivered) their babies. If you would like a link, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. It is a detailed sight so I will send to those interested.***